Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Bernie Madoff is the new Santa Claws -typo intended.

Hey you!

When I first began my career as an aspriing e-book entepeneur I certainly didn't do it of the fame or money. I did it for recognition and for passion but now you guys....

As followers both avid and reluctanct know my beloved pooch, an almost 3 year old assyrian pitbull was murdered by the government last weekend and I am facing charges as there is supposedly some evidence that my pooch wasn't leashed when he lost his battle with poor early development dog rearing. So it goes, and though I was absolutely convinced my pup was non violent ,and said it on these very pages it appears that my baby had rage and anger issues all along that could not have been known to me because as a pooch-- he could't talk. Anyways, my net investigation has revealed that the organic seed salesman that my pup had "mauled" dosn't seem to have any criminal record and was here legally --I'm going to be thrown under the bus for this for sure. I was readying for the new relationship this would engender with an attorney I would hire but since godess is obviously in a a mercurial rage against Tarra and her higher power is acting NUTSO, Tarra's journey has encountered another BUMP.... I can't get an attorney. Why?????????????
Because! my second to last good for nothing life partner invested all my money with a Man I just knew as Bernie. We even had Bennie over for A springfest tofu salami celebration 3 years ago and he bought a Merlot from Cabiria that still haunts my palate. Readers of my blog and persons who have felt my aura in person know that I am a wonderful judge of character and I need to submit and say that I aaaaaaaaaadored Bernie. With his jovial cheeks and the quirky but formidable hook on his nose he was like Santa Claus and Shakespeare's Feigin wrapped up into one precious package.

Some history of my journey: I grew up a forcefed form of Conservative judaism that didn't allow me to percieve anything good about Santa Claus in my youth and then when I went to college and became enlightened as a womyn loving womyn non denominational spiritual environmentalist navahoist lacto ovo vegan with Buddhist sympathies and Marxist leanings or both, I began to see Santa Claus as the old and fat white man whose sneaky entrance into AMERIKA's vacously consumerized institutions via capitalistic portals(ie. the chimney) was tantamount to the imperial pillages of our fore(skin)fathers. Soooooooo, I was ever mindful of the feelings that my sense of Bernie the money manager might well be tainted by such concerns. In short though. I trusted the guy, and since he shared my passions for fine wine and foods I "let him in."
Well, since i've been so embroiled in the consuming issues of my duplicitious life coach I've barely glanced at CNN or even read news online. Yesterday for the first time I was able to get space and breathing room and whatnot to read the Napa Valley Register and ..... found out that .....Bernie the man who gave me a taste of a wine so sublime that till today my nostril hairs dance at remembrance of it's whiff-- that man was BERNIE MADOFF and I am dead broke, you guys. The court calls me "indigent" and thought I've always sought to resist the power investing by loading and unloading of words I prefer at this point to be called "broke."

Instead of writing more e-books and promoting them in a tasteful non competitive manner, I am going to have to face the whole gnarly justice system as a ... broke individual. If I wasn't born jewish and so fond of my nana Esther and her stellar latkes, I would be tempted into antisemitism at this point. I am not kidding. I know that's terrible but with my love of undeveloped nations, summarily swarthy peoples, and support of the Durban conference... it's natural, you guys.

That's for another blog. This blog will I propose be about my journey through the "justice" system as a womyn whose assets now elude her. What do you think you guys????


Tina said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. Bernie Madoff is a greedy jackass. How much money is enough and how many lives did he have to ruin to get it? He's so disgusting and his wife should go down with him.

Tarra Slovan said...


Your support at this trying time means so much. Mr. Madoff has now turned my affluence to indigence or penury, you decide.

Now I will have to take on "the man" using my extensivie vocabulary and my thirst for justice for me and my murdered dog.

I am as you can imagine dealing with a very full plate, so to speak and as they say but I will surely check out your blog and comment according.


Anonymous said...

You kill me. So funny. You should work for the New Yorker or something. GENIUS. I don't say that easily.